SPEAKER_04 0:00

Love is the most misunderstood word in the human language. The first answer is never the answer. Not ever. Take a breath. Congratulations, you just did the most unconditionally loving thing you could do. You chose to live another second.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

Welcome to another Internet Podcast episode. I'm here with Larry Michael, aka the Love Shepherd. He is a human connection specialist and the founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics and author of the book Lasting. Welcome.

SPEAKER_04 0:39

Thank you. It's great to be here. Yeah. I don't get to do in studio very often. Usually it's all around the world, but it's always, you know, through Zoom or the computer. So this is awesome. Yeah. Yeah, I like the energy. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Yeah, you're welcome. Glad to have you. Yeah. So as always, we're gonna hear a little bit about what Larry does, how he got here, and then as always, he's gonna offer us a little experience uh some sort of exercise. So stay tuned for that. So tell us what you do.

SPEAKER_04 1:15

Uh I right now, if I was to whittle it down to the most important thing, is I help people remember our divine origins. Okay. So once recognizing those, we can bring them forward into what we experience today without being controlled and manipulated or feeling like we're being manipulated by our environment. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Yeah. Uh tell us a little bit more about the sort of like trajectory on how that works with if you were to work with a client.

SPEAKER_04 1:55

Oh gosh. Um it it there's many ways, but I can say that if we were to go back and ask ourselves what's probably one of the most divine characteristics that we showed up on this planet with as human beings. Yeah. It would be curiosity. Totally. Right? Yeah. So, you know, that that old statement, child's mine or beginner's mine, there's there's huge sacred value in that. And really what it is when, you know, when we enter this world, we come in and we're curious, just curious. I mean, we need to know a couple things. We need to be able to feed ourselves, we want food, yeah. And then we want um safety, right? Which is really at the beginning, just keep me warm. Right. And and we're not looking for anything else. We don't even know what to ask for.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 2:49

And so what we do is we're just seeking for information, constantly curious. And the child's mind is so beautiful because it doesn't conclude, it doesn't judge, it doesn't create separation, it doesn't label, it doesn't have communication issues, yeah, um, it doesn't walk around with an ego, it doesn't even distinguish between male or female, right? Yeah, or masculine or feminine, however you want to describe it.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 3:21

We are just purely curious. And in that purity, we're not looking to prove anything. We're just seeking. And so if we're not looking for proof, we're constantly surprised by the truth. And now if we just stop there and go, wow. Kids do that. Yeah, they really do that. So can adults. And the only thing that gets in the way of it is how we've been conditioned to create conclusions, to judge, to make decisions, to some uh at some point even learn how to possess things as opposed to just hold them, and uh and bring judgment into the game. And as soon as we do that, we cut off our accessibility to what's really happening around us and the deeper meaning of almost everything.

unknown 4:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:23

Right?

SPEAKER_01 4:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:24

So when you ask me how do I work with clients, there's a lot of questions right at the beginning. And it's not just me asking questions, it's me inviting them to ask questions.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:36

So they tell me I, you know, we're having an issue, whatever that issue might be. Okay, so speak more about it. Well, this person does this and and I don't like it. Okay, so have you asked them why? You know, and and not why like you're trying to make them wrong, but curious.

SPEAKER_01 4:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:58

Like the easiest way into a why question is just to say, I'm curious. I really want to know, and truly be curious, right? Yeah. But I want to know this. That won't work. So and and instantly someone will give them an answer, and then the next thing to realize is that the first answer is never the answer. Not ever. Just never the answer. Maybe if you ask them a color, like what color is that, red or green, you know? Yeah. Perhaps. But or do I turn left or right? Perhaps.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:35

But when it comes to issues of the heart, of the body, um, of our environment, of our goals and desires and passions and wants, uh, our purpose, whatever that might be, we simply just have to go deep.

unknown 5:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 5:54

So uh most people will stop at the first answer, thinking that that's they've been told what they needed to hear.

SPEAKER_01 6:01

Right.

SPEAKER_04 6:01

That's what you told me, that must be what you I need to hear.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:06

We don't even answer that way. We think we do, but we answer with what seems the most obvious. And then when someone asks us, I'm, you know, I'm curious what does that mean? All of a sudden we go, Oh, you know, that's kind of a good question. I really didn't explain what I meant by the word trust.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:25

Or even the expression of love.

SPEAKER_01 6:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 6:28

Both of those words are words that are constantly summarized and used and leveraged against behaviors, and they get us in big trouble. So what do I do? I I just get to be, I get to be in the inquiry space and take my clients there. And results happen so fast. Wow. It's a completely different ballgame.

SPEAKER_00 6:54

Yeah. It's the the what I'm sort of like taking from what you're saying is the idea of curiosity and then asking that question is just to then go deeper and deeper and deeper to see how do you how does how does one person define love versus another person to get some sort of clarity with each other?

SPEAKER_04 7:14

Yeah. You know, if someone says to me, you know, I I'm not feeling the love from you anymore. Yeah. Uh I could stop there and go, oh my God, that's tragic. Right. You know, that's horrible. What's what does that mean? Does that mean that you don't want, we don't want to be together? What does that mean? And I start, you know, projecting all these possible devastating directions. Or I might get really excited about it, you know, and go another direction. But if I was to say to them, can you speak more to me? Like when you say love, what are you, what specifically are you talking about? And the answer might be, you know, for the last six or seven months, I don't feel like you listened to me very well. I I don't feel heard at all.

unknown 8:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:03

And that was now we're at the real issue. Yeah. Right? Or getting closer.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:09

And at least we know where to go. If I just stop with love, it's the most misunderstood word in the human language.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:18

And it's searched everywhere, and it's most of the time leveraged against behaviors, which means you don't love me, you, you know, you don't pick up the, you don't take out the garbage. Right. You don't take care of the kids. It it's just it's and it's been made into an action and into a verb or even a noun. And love is none of those things. It's it's none of those things. What is it? It's really simple.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:44

It's our life force. I mean, take a breath. Congratulations, you just did the most unconditionally loving thing you could do. You chose to live another second. Yes. Right?

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:56

I mean, we do that every morning. We get up, we wake up. We're not consciously breathing, but we're, you know, we've been breathing all night. We get up, we take a conscious breath, and it's, and that's it. We've chosen another day. What more beautiful, unconditional thing could you be doing for yourself? And then, you know, we put our feet on the ground, and like today it's a little cold, right? We go, oh, yeah, I you know, I need some slippers. Yeah. Or we go, oh, I got to get ready for work. I want to do my workout, I got to feed the kids, and and all the stuff that is important and sometimes not important, but all the things that we've made ourselves responsible for come flooding in. And then instantly we've forgotten that we have this, we're this most precious, truly embodied life force, which is love. Nothing, it's nothing else than that. You can call it, you can give it names, you can call it arrows, you can give it, you know, all these other things, but they're also descriptions. You know, someone says, Well, I need more arrows in my life. Well, can you tell me what that means? Right. Because I might have heard it from a different person than you did. Right. And and I really want to understand you.

SPEAKER_01 10:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:12

So that you know, very quickly, there's a number of words that fit into that category that we use a lot. Um, trust is another one. You know, people say, Well, I don't trust you. Okay. You know, I will tell people that you you don't trust anybody. Trust is an inside job.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:32

So we have to trust ourselves. We can deem someone else trustworthy, reliable, consistent, you know, all the various things that are really important to us that that we truly do need to understand and be able to just both j make a decision for ourselves how we want to show up, but be able to request from another.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 10:55

So, but when you just throw the trust word out there, right, it's it doesn't create benefits, it creates damage and it actually constricts instead of opens up. Right. As soon as we start taking some of these big words and summarize them for behaviors or leverage them against behaviors, we're constricting what's possible. And as soon as we drop back into curiosity and ask, you know, gosh, you know, I can feel this is important to you. And and it's important to me too. And I just I want to understand better.

unknown 11:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:34

And I'd love to be understood better as well, perhaps. Yeah. So this is just the basics of communication, is curiosity. And it's it's not complicated. I was listening to a to a podcast yesterday, actually, from a very uh very accomplished relationship coach.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 11:58

And and I'm listening to his suggestions and his ideas, and I think some of them are really great. And I I love learning from others. I will constantly be learning.

SPEAKER_01 12:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:08

And uh, and then he talked about curiosity for a moment. I went, yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:13

Okay, great, we're gonna get into that. And and he says it's it's really hard. And I just went, no. No, this it's divine. This is part of of what we are. This is the origin of mankind was born with this. Yeah, we weren't taught curiosity, we're born with it, just like we're born with cells in our bodies. So if we return to what's divine in us, that's not difficult. What's difficult is getting out of the way the stuff that is stopping us from doing that. That's the challenge. But if we get grounded with what we are, yeah, then how much easier is it to navigate what is coming our way or not coming our way?

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 12:59

I love which you know, and that's that's where genetic energetics comes in, because genetics energetic genetic energetics is a tool that looks at what we are, not who, not how, but what we are as human beings, how we how we communicate, how we process information, how we intimately and sexually engage, um, how we run our lives, the speed, how we process. These are all genetic codings. And when we know them, uh it's it's so easy to just embrace differences instead of point them out and make them wrong. Right.

unknown 13:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 13:41

Just those things alone are transformational.

SPEAKER_00 13:44

Yeah. So you spoke about genetic energetics. Before we sort of dive into what that is specifically, I I'm curious, what was your journey to get to where you are today to being able to offer this? You know, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:01

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 14:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:02

Um, I mean how many hours do we have? Right. So you want the reader's gadgets version. Um, it actually goes back to when I was um 14 years old.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:13

I just uh, you know, I grew up in a traditional family in the late 50s, early 60s. And there wasn't, at least in my family, a huge expression of affection.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 14:29

And I would, the love title came in there. So I spent the first many decades of my life looking for what love meant and what it is. Yeah. So for me to get to what I told you, that didn't come right away, right? Took a long time. And so I just wanted to understand relationships better. I watched it in the movies and I'd see all these love stories and all this stuff, and I go, oh, it looks like that. It's gonna be really cool. But I would I didn't have any of that at home. At home, what I had was be a good student, figure out your occupation, pick one. That's probably the one you're gonna have all your life, and you'll retire with it. You know, plan to get married and have kids. It's like, okay. And it was Vietnam era, so right on the other side of that was all kinds of other things that were going on that had us just question our existence, right?

SPEAKER_01 15:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 15:24

Um, and that's kind of where I grew up in that environment. I went to school to be a psychologist. I studied psychology, social anthropology, and statistics, so which I never thought at the time statistics would be important. But now when I look at how you find truth today, yeah, especially in research papers and stuff like that, I'm so thankful that I did that. So thankful. Um, so that's the path I took. And I got off it a number of times. I got married at a young age. I married my high school sweetheart. That was experimental for sure. Yeah, and I just, you know, but it was a constant seeking. And then eventually I found myself very much in the personal development space. Okay. So I was, I came down to San Diego from Seattle, where I was born, to partner with Tony Robbins and worked in that environment. And people like Bob Proctor and John Asaraff and a great, great assortment of wisdom holders and teachers. I was, I feel very fortunate to have that experience. Uh, and at the same time, I was learning all these different things to help be better at my craft, which was consulting and coaching and working with people. And I just, you know, I was using everybody else's information. You know, we do when like we're in that learning stage. Well, am I gonna be this? Am I gonna be that? Am I gonna follow that? I'm gonna follow this. Uh, but I had questions that were just not getting answered any place else. And then almost 20 years ago, I was at an event at the and at the same time this event happened, I was at the tail end of a relationship that I was really working hard on. Like I still had the belief that I could fix it.

SPEAKER_01 17:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:18

Yeah. I had the whole fix it mentality. And even with all my coaching, I still wanted to fix stuff, right? Uh and had it, I was at this event, and at the end of this event, a gentleman that was sitting five seats from me for three days that I didn't even know was there, because I was in the fix-it stage of a relationship, right? That wasn't going well. So I didn't really want to talk to anybody. I sat next to a wall, so the wall couldn't talk to me. He gets up in front of the group and he makes this presentation and says, I can tell you something about your relationship that no one else has been able to tell you. I go, okay. You know, I have now seen coaches, therapists, started studying tantra, worked to get a tantric certification, thinking that make me the best lover that would possibly keep that relationship alive. And uh, and none of those things were the results. And so he says, he's making this offer. So now at the end of the class, I go, I'm interested. And he took me, you know, into the lobby of the hotel we were at, and he asked me a couple questions, and he opened this book and went through, and he proceeded to tell me information about myself that some of it, like I went, wow, that's very accurate. That's true. But there were there were tiny details there that were really essential. And he gave me some information about myself and my history about how I did things that literally had me shed probably 30 years of shame. Wow. In a heartbeat. Wow. Right? I mean, that quickly, just with clarity, yeah, and and and giving me permission to recognize an attribute that I've been carrying around my entire life. That and and his, you know, the freedom that he gave me, he says, look at this is your genetic coding. This isn't something you learn, this is just what you are. It's not a who, it's what. And I went, well, I can kind of believe that because if I look back as far as I can remember, yeah, that's what I've been doing. And I was fascinated by it. And I was wowed by it. And then he turns around to me and says, you know, the gentleman who created this passed away a couple years ago, and I have it to myself, and I need help. And I had been taking products to market, and he said, Would you like to help? And I said, I'm really interested, but I don't know if this is like a fluke. This might have been the one time you told someone something and they went, Oh my God, you're so right. Yeah. But the next person is gonna go. No, no, that's not true. Uh and I said, I need to study it. Uh, just like any product I take to market, it's got to be efficacious, it's gotta be real. Otherwise, I don't want to market it to anybody. I don't want to take money or time away from anyone unless I can really give them something that's valuable.

SPEAKER_01 20:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:29

And he said, sure. What do you need? I said, I need to interview people. And I did for a couple years. Wow. Um, close to a thousand couples.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

That's amazing.

SPEAKER_04 20:40

And uh it was it was it was really an amazing experience for sure. Thank you. And the crazy thing is it was never wrong.

unknown 20:50

Wow.

SPEAKER_04 20:51

So, in that period of time, what would happen is like I would have to get information from them, and it was only two things, and this is gonna, everybody's gonna go, what? Birth dates. Who's asking for a birth date and the birth date of the opposite gender biological parent. And of course, you can imagine me. I'm going, right. First, when he said asked me for a birth date, I'm going, oh, you know what? I love astrology. I think it's really cool. And it's not the answers. It's like, no. And I, you know, and at that time, Enneagrams around human design was kind of its beginnings in terms of popularity. Gene keys nowhere to be seen. Um and and I, but I've always liked the esoteric stuff. It just never ever landed and gave me the insights I needed. And he said, no, it's it's not astrology, it's different. It's it's astronomy at the base. And astronomy is a hard science, right? So astronomy, the planets, position of the planets, how it affects the waves, and our uh, you know, farmer's almanac, astronomy is better. Around a long time, so it's using that in quantum physics. And I went, Oh, okay, that's different.

SPEAKER_01 22:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 22:06

And what it was doing is telling us all of us, when you run this, what are the energetic properties? What are the frequencies that we're vibrating at that pinpoint a specific characteristic and style? Yeah, it was wild. So it's and and I started asking questions. I'd go to people and I'd I had this long list, and uh and then I would ask it'd be like if I talk to you and I'd say, Who else do you know? Who could I talk to? Any couples that you know? And you go, Yeah, you know, my friend Bill and Jane, talk to them. I call them up and say, you know, Solomon said, Call you. He says, Yeah, I'll get back to him later for this one, right? But I would get the information, then I would go back to my partner and I would say, you know, here it is, and then he would tell me what their profile was, and then he'd give me a little bit of information about it, and then I'd have to go back and tell the person. And that was my way of checking it out. You know, is this true? Do you know this to be true?

SPEAKER_01 23:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:13

And it was remarkable what happened. And occasionally, and I missed, I left out an important piece. What the reason why this was created and originally, that by the gentleman who who came up with the whole thing, his name is Dick Nelson. Um, he had gone through a number of divorces, and he went, you know, I'm a smart guy. I should be able to figure this out, but I have not been able to figure this out.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 23:42

So he started looking for solutions. And he was kind of into the esoteric stuff, but he was also an efficiency expert, knew a lot about science, and started to put this thing together manually. Like, took years. It's miraculous what he did. And that's where the you know the information was. So I was going back and checking it out. And I would take the information that I was given and I would go back to the people and say, So tell me a little bit more about how you communicate. Like when you talk, do you use words to mean exactly what you want to say? Or is it more kind of a caveance of an emotion? Right. And they would fill that in and it would show to be accurate. So in genetic energetics, one of the most potent pieces is called communication style.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 24:33

And, you know, for the listeners out there, have you ever had anybody you thought you were communicating to really, really well and they didn't get it, or they thought they got something and it wasn't at all what you were trying to say? Yeah, we've all had that, right?

SPEAKER_01 24:48

Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 24:49

So there's two styles. There's one type is structural. That's what I am. I use my words really carefully to mean what I want to say. And sometimes I'll use a word and it'll get misunderstood. And when that misunderstanding comes up, if you don't know there's a difference, you know, the challenge is what? What how what's complicated about saying that was sacrilegious or something like that, right? Um, and what the other person was hearing was not the word sacrilegious, but what they thought was an emotion behind it. Right. And said, so you were blaming this characteristic on the reason for these situations. I went, no, I was just describing what I thought might have added some information to what was happening. And but that that doesn't happen like that. Usually people just get upset and go, well, I didn't hear that. That's not what I heard, that's not what you said, that's not what you meant. Right? Yeah. And if we realize that there's really two different styles, one that uses words very specifically, and another that is really listening for the emotions, then we have a whole new opening in terms of how we communicate with people.

SPEAKER_01 26:03

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 26:04

And it's literally 50% of the population is one way and 50% of the other. Right? So, you know, here's a here's a good one for you with communication. I can be sane talking to someone who's what's called figurative talking style.

unknown 26:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 26:22

And I'll talk to them and say, look, it what we've been doing and how we do it, this is really important to me. And I would like you to follow these directions because of that, because it's going to get us a good result. Now, for anybody listening to me, that sounds a little bit deadpan. There was no emotion in it, but the words I used were exactly what I wanted to say.

SPEAKER_01 26:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:46

Now, a figurative person, I'd have to turn around and go, listen, this is really important. I mean, this is so important to me that we we follow this because if we're not going to get these results if we don't do it. Right? And that person, and I may have, you know, expressed this a number of times before, but now because I put all that emotion into it, the person turns around and goes, Well, why didn't you say that in the first place? Neither of us have done anything wrong other than not know the difference between the two of us and assumed the other person understood.

SPEAKER_02 27:20

Right.

SPEAKER_04 27:21

Or assumed that the other person completely felt what I was trying to express.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

Yeah. So there's the figurative and the feeler. Figurative and structural. Figurative and structural. And so the figurative needs to hear emotion. Okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 27:38

Yeah, and they don't need a lot of words sometimes to describe something.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

Right.

SPEAKER_04 27:44

You know, I have a business partner, I call her my soul sister. It's one of the closest people in my life, and she's figurative talking style. And we could be, let's say, traveling, and we're in Oaxaca.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:00

One of my favorite cities in Mexico, right? And I love looking at beautiful ornate doors and things like that. It's just a passion. I don't know why. I just like it. And we're standing in front of this church, and she goes, that's amazing. And I stand up right next to her and I go, It is, isn't it? And look at the, look at the the way the carving's done and the hinges. Oh my God, those are so incredible. And she'll look over at me and go, What was wrong with amazing? It's like, and so it feels to her like I just made her wrong. And her amazing encompassed all that. But for me, I needed to, I wanted to put the details in there. I wasn't making her wrong. I was kind of doing it for my own appreciation.

SPEAKER_01 28:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:49

So sometimes when we add extra detail, a figurative person will feel like we're we're making them wrong. You know what, what, you're telling me I didn't say what needed to be said?

SPEAKER_02 29:02

Right.

SPEAKER_04 29:03

And the answer is no, that's not what we're intending to do, but it kind of feels like it.

SPEAKER_01 29:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:08

And it's the feeling, again, that has to do with the energetic connection we're having.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

Right. Yeah, with the words that you're with what you're sharing, I noticed that I'm definitely a figurative. Like for me, I can say one word, but it has so much emotion to it. So uh going back to sort of what you said about the 50-50, it the 50-50 isn't male or female gender, it doesn't matter. So that's not what we're talking about.

SPEAKER_04 29:35

It's a great question, though, because none of this is gender specific.

SPEAKER_00 29:39

Perfect.

SPEAKER_04 29:39

And so even when we talk about sexuality, yeah, right now there's, you know, if you go to David Data or John Gray or Allison Armstrong, or you ask a variety of people that are specialists, Tantra teachers, yeah, they're gonna tell you there's very specific things about how men access their sexuality and how women do.

SPEAKER_01 30:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:00

And the challenge is they're 50% right, which means they're 50% wrong. And the result is people will listen and go, wow, that's amazing. But they don't quite relate to it.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:15

Or they relate to it perfectly, and then you assume that's the way it is for all males or all females. Yeah. And I can tell you from our statistics, 95% of the relationships that are mismatched in terms of their sex, what we call sexual response type, yeah, they don't succeed over time unless, unless they know about the difference and they know how to accommodate for it. So there's the key. I mean, look at if we have two different communication styles, does it mean we shouldn't be friends? Does it mean we shouldn't do business with each other? Right. Doesn't mean any of that because you may have ideas and thoughts and aspirations that I'm like, oh that's right on. I mean, I'd like, I'm there with you, I'm an advocate. In fact, believe the same things.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:02

But how we get there and how we communicate it could be a little bit different. So what do we do? We don't just go off our own directions. We learn how to speak two different languages.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 31:13

It's like, you know, if I was born in Germany and you're born in Spain, and we're going to be doing business with each other, and you go, you know, you need to speak Spanish all the time. If you speak Spanish, we'll do business well. And I'm going, well, wait a second, I want German. Yeah, right. The reality is we need to speak each other's languages and respect our desires to speak our native tongue when we can.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 31:39

That's like that's world-changing, quite honestly. Yeah. He listened to politicians. You know, our favorite one that will say, that's bad. That's very, very bad, very bad, very, very, very bad. Right. It's figurative talking style. It's just the words are coming out, it's the emotion that he's just repeating over and over again. The structural person is going, stop. Right. Right? The figurative people going, I get it. Yeah. I hear that. It is bad. Yeah. And if a politician understands two different communication styles, they have the ability to talk to the masses in a big way.

unknown 32:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:24

Um, years ago, I got this unbelievable lesson. I was doing a podcast, I was being interviewed, and I was, I was so dialed in. I like, this is this is great. I was describing things so beautifully. And I went, I don't think I've ever done one this well. And I had an offer at the end of it.

SPEAKER_01 32:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 32:44

And like a huge percentage of people, or a large percentage of people, I thought, um, picked up the offer. And then I started to run their profiles and I found out they were almost all the same as mine. And I went, wow, I really didn't do so well. Oh, I see. I lost half the audience. I think there were two out of 60 that were the other style than mine in terms of communication and the speed that I communicate. And I went, so I lost them. I actually didn't do well at all.

SPEAKER_01 33:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 33:18

And it was like such a huge reality check. So now, like when I'm talking, even, you know, I've been talking more structural, but the there's another modifier or lifestyle trait in the system that we call activity level. And it's the speed that we process information. And moderate active is what I am, but half the people listening right now are super active. So they'd rather I talk at this speed, tell you everything there is to know, and give you all this information so that we can get it all out. This is only going to take 15 minutes for this whole interview, but you're going to have everything you need.

SPEAKER_02 33:52

Right? Right. You can 2x yourself.

SPEAKER_04 33:58

Like if I'm doing a zoom room and I can see all the faces in Zoom room and I start talking like that, there's people that have been sitting here like this, and they'll go, literally, will watch their faces and their bodies change position. Wow. And and then that's the reminder to me, dude, you need to be multilingual.

SPEAKER_01 34:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:18

You know, right. If I'm talking to one person, I can match and mirror, I can do all these other things that we do to connect.

SPEAKER_01 34:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:25

You know, because words are only seven percent of our communication, right? Right. Some people believe there are more. It's not seven percent. Yeah. So that's a great statistic if you think about it. Now, if half of us are speaking a different language and words are seven percent, then that means there's a what, three and a half, there's a 96.5% chance that you're gonna be misunderstood, especially if you're texting or doing something like that. Oh my god, yeah. That's terrible. Horrible odds. I don't want those odds. It's like, yeah, you might be right three and a half percent of the time. Yeah. There's no bueno. So there's other things that go with it. You know, there's uh um, have you ever been in a situation, for example, where someone just you felt like they drained you of energy.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 35:13

Yeah, do you have a nickname for that person?

SPEAKER_00 35:15

Uh no.

SPEAKER_04 35:17

Energy vampire?

SPEAKER_00 35:18

Oh, that you have heard of that term? Yeah, I don't use that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:20

Yeah, the term gets kicked around a lot. It does. And so for all of you out there, there is no such thing as an energy vampire. What there is is two different energetic frequencies bombarding each other.

unknown 35:34

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 35:35

That's all it is. So between the two of us, we vibrate at two different frequencies.

SPEAKER_01 35:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:41

And you know, when we were kids, we played with magnets, you'd push them together, they'd repel each other.

SPEAKER_01 35:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 35:46

We're naturally doing that. So, what do we do? You know, if if we have to be working with each other for hours in the same room, we need to give ourselves some space so we can recharge our batteries.

SPEAKER_01 35:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 35:59

If you're living with someone, if you're married to someone that's a different communication style than you, you need to know that you're not going to have all your resources all the time if you're with them 100% of the time. I like that. Yeah. Does that mean that you should divorce them? You know what, this isn't going to work. And it's, and now going back to when I was doing all the research, I would have the Frank, who was giving me this information, tell me this isn't going to work for these people. You know, this is they're too different. This is the relationship will never last. And it was, you know, originally it was intended to be kind of a matchmaking tool. And so I'm listening and going, okay, except for these are friends of mine, and they just got married and they have a baby on the way. And what am I supposed to do? You know, go, by the way, I just found out that your relationship's not going to work. So you should pick who's going to keep the kid. And, you know, and that's nonsense.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:00

And so what I ended up doing, Solomon, is I'd go back to people and I would give them the information because I needed to be real with them. But I ended up bringing my background in psychology and therapy and coaching in. And just out of not wanting to leave people with information that sounded like doomsday, I would say, well, here's what you do. You're different, so let's figure out how you can accommodate for those differences. And um I really didn't realize the benefit of what I was doing until I started to get letters back later. And I would get an email or a letter from someone saying, By the way, thank you for saving our marriage. I didn't know. Or I hadn't talked to my dad in 20 years. And now we're talking. Now you are. Or, you know, there was this, and my children, there were so many things that were beyond just matchmaking that I went, This is not about just a tool for finding your quote unquote perfect partner. Yeah. And uh so that's I've been doing this now for 20 years.

SPEAKER_00 38:10

That's amazing. Congratulations. What so because this podcast is very specific to men, I know that this is a relationship tool, but the curiosity that I have is how can this help men? Like what are some of the things that you've seen that men have come to you in relationship that this tool could support them in? Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_04 38:37

In many, many, many, many ways. Yeah. I mean, all the way across the board there through the four primary lifestyle traits, there's ways. But primarily I would say uh for men and women both, when it comes to sexuality and intimacy, this is where the biggest challenges show up. And so for men, it's to really understand the difference between energetically engaging sexually and the strong masculine or the strong feminine or the divine masculine or the divine feminine. Uh we all have masculine and feminine qualities. The balance of them is really important. But when it comes to the bedroom, when it comes to intimacy, I think every man out there, and and I really believe it's women too, but we're talking to men, every man out there wants to satisfy their lover. I mean, this is like it's we're raised to believe that you know, if you're gonna show up as a man, that this isn't just about procreation anymore. Used to be, you know, but and some people will still insist that procreation is the driver. I'm not sure I in agreement with that anymore. Um I think if you want children, and I think that's a noble thing to do, obviously that's important. But otherwise, it's really about the quality of intimacy and the deepness of a connection and the excitement and desire and inspiration and co-creation that you get from sexual engagement. So for men to understand a woman's sexual design is critical, just as it is critical for them to understand ours. But men, let's take the lead. This is coming from a man talking, right? So I think that it's a responsibility for us to understand what our women need and understand our own needs well enough to know how to ask for them in a way that a woman feels really good providing. And so sexual response type is a really big one. And if you want, I can go down that path just a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 41:01

Sure. Uh I also want to just let the listeners know that uh the curiosity is also for me uh for same-sex couples as well. Because, you know, again, we all have masculine and feminine energy, so it doesn't really matter the dynamic. It's just the again, the curiosity is how can men like get the necessary learning from this modality? Or yeah. Got it.

SPEAKER_04 41:25

Yeah, yeah. And and thank you for for extending that out because there's all different kinds of people. Yeah, we're all different in many ways, right? Absolutely. But we do have two different sexual response types.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 41:39

One of them is called mental emotional. Mental emotional sexual response type person, the prelude to sex is really important. So we source our desire for intimacy from our head and our heart. I'm mental emotional, so when I say we that's, you know, I just want to say it. So I source from my mental from my head and my heart. Doesn't mean I can't have a quickie. Doesn't mean when I get hard, I, you know, I'm like, might not be interested, which I might not, but I might be plenty interested. But the real thing is that I need that connection. Now, a lot of tantric studies and a lot of professions or a lot of teachers out there will tell you that that is a predominant female trait. Right? It's not true. It's not true at all. So the half the women on this planet, half the females on this planet will approach their sexuality that way. Okay. Okay. The other way is called physical. So mental emotional was the first one, the prelude to sex, just the romance, all those things so important. Emotional foreplay. Emotional foreplay.

SPEAKER_01 42:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 42:56

Really is important, but it's not just emotional. It could be, it could be the environment, it could be the scene, it could be you know, it could be a variety of things, but that is important, the prelude. So the other type is called physical sexual response type. And for them, the byline we have for someone whose physical sexual response type is when you're hot, you're hot. Like, let's go. You know, I got a heart on. That means let's go. I'm ready. Yeah. Right? They don't need any foreplay. It just on. It's on. Yeah. That's not just male. It's assumed that that's all males. Right. But that's not true. It's just absolutely not true. It's scientifically not true. So, you know, for the for half the men, it's true. For the other half, it's not. For half the women, that's half the women will do the same thing. You meet a woman that's goes, I want you now.

SPEAKER_01 43:56

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 43:58

For a mental emotional guy that's like, whoa. This is easy. This is cool. Pause. Yeah, pause. Or wow, I that's like I haven't experienced this before. I'll go for this for a while. Yeah. Which you you could until you realize I'm not getting everything I need.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 44:13

So back to the mental emotional, our sexual energy is on the surface. It's available to us all the time and it's felt all the time. So interesting.

SPEAKER_00 44:23

The mental emotional is felt all the time. All the time. Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_04 44:27

On the surface. So for females, and then we'll get to the men, for females, it's a real challenge for them because all they have to do, and even from the time they're really young, little kids, their parents would make them wrong because they would just be interested. They just want to play with someone. I'm curious, who are you? Right? They don't want sex. They're not even thinking about it. But that elevated curiosity, that just the joy and wanting to meet someone, combined with this sexual energy that's flowing and visible all the time, has girls being misunderstood constantly. And you can talk to any mental emotional woman and she'll go, oh my God, it's the you know, it's annoying, it's terrible. It's happened my whole life. I just I'm I love asking questions, and men think I'm flirting with them. It's a problem, right? And teachers make them wrong, say, you're too flirtatious, you're too blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And they have this need to try and cover up their sexuality, which by the way, they can't do. Because the energy is there, it's just flowing. It's, you know, you could had this happen. This is a great example. This gal um was a dirt bike racer, right? And she's so she's out, she's riding her dirt bike all day long, mud, covered, stinky, you know, all that. Comes in to the to the you know, the the club where everybody is, takes off her goggles, all the skin you can see is around her eyes. And I hear a couple guys go, gosh, she's sexy. Right? Yeah, she's covered with mud. It's like, but it's that sexual energy they're picking up on. Right. You know, and here she is, she's going, but no one's gonna really care. And she gets responses that she doesn't really want. So, what happens to guys who are mental emotional? Women, and even guys, by the way, pick up on the sexual energy, and so they do something that most men don't really care for very much. They stick you in the friend zone as fast as possible because they don't know what to do with the sexual energy. They don't want to engage sexually, they do want to be friends. They maybe want to, it may be more over time, but at the beginning, that's bam. You know, you're it's like you're coming on too strong. Right. What who what guy knows this? Right? And how many guys have been stuck in the friend zone going, well, that's not fair, you know. Or uh, you know, okay, I I guess I'm a good friend. So, you know, there's guys that have great game, it won't be those guys because of that, because they're just kind of you know, dealing with that positioning has been done.

SPEAKER_00 47:25

I can definitely see that I am the emotional mental. Yeah. Uh, and I've experienced the it's like this uh, how do I say it? This this excitement, this joy of wanting to be affectionate and caring and joyful, and like, yeah, my my sex is on the surface, but it's the desire to connect with someone. And it's for me, it's not always about wanting to have sex with them. I just I'm just like so vivacious to see people and meet people. So I can totally relate to that.

SPEAKER_04 47:57

It's so natural. I am too, the same way. Yeah, and you know, I can I can watch it happen, you know, you get in a conversation, and and I get animated when I'm excited about things, right? And if a woman is feeling like, you know, I I don't want to, I'm not looking for a partner, I'm not looking for romance, yeah. They'll they'll cut it down, they'll just end it right there, right? And um, and not in necessarily a mean way, they don't mean to be mean, but they just don't know what to do with what they don't understand.

SPEAKER_00 48:28

Right. The energy that's coming at them is is potent, and they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 48:34

So, and then the physical sexual response type person, their sexual energy is held inside. So it's a different frequency, and it's held inside until someone that has the same frequency meets them, and it's like they have the key to the lock, they can open the door, and the energy starts to flow. So here's the deal: the mental emotional person doesn't have that key, they're at a different frequency. So if you're in a relationship with someone who's physical and you're mental emotional, this piece that keeps that has the sexual energy moving, kind of like Kundalini energy moving through our body.

SPEAKER_01 49:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:13

It's happening for us, but it's not happening for them. So what happens in those relationships is they could have a sexual engagement, but there it's not the full thing. It's kind of like the the restat or the you know, this dimmer switch is is not all the way up.

SPEAKER_01 49:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 49:33

And you can look at partnerships where there's a physical sexual response type person and a mental emotional, and at the beginning, it you can just see the energy is beautiful in that physical person, and over time it starts to just drop, diminish. It's almost like the brightness, someone turned off the lights.

SPEAKER_00 49:52

Wow. Is that and so I guess are you saying that emotional needs to be with emotional, or I just as an emotional that's the most, the easiest it's too okay, for them to be together.

SPEAKER_04 50:03

For them to be together for sure. Okay. It's the easiest, right? It's smooth, it just and it's the engagement is beautiful and and you understand each other really well, right? You don't have someone racing you or or holding you back. Yeah. And everything from cuddling to you know the how intimacy happens in the bedroom to how you can appreciate and adore a woman or a woman can a man. It's easier if the sexual response types are the same. Okay. And if they're different, there's things we have to do to accommodate for it. So there's some basic things on the surface. So the physical sexual response type person, when they say they're hot, they're hot, right? It you've got to be aware of that.

SPEAKER_01 50:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:52

I dated this wonderful gal for, you know, for uh a period of time many, many years ago when I first learned about this. And I'm mental emotional, she's physical. Yeah. And we had lots of playful things that we did. I mean, it was exploration at the beginning, like it is for a lot of people. As it should be, actually, forever, quite frankly. Yeah. Um, that's another conversation. But uh, I remember she was working, she's a doctor, and she's working, and she was coming over for dinner after work. And she said she'd be there at six o'clock. So I went, okay, great. So I went out, I bought some flowers from the florists, and I made some flower arrangements, and I I put a fire in the fireplace, and I had music on, and I've got dinner I've been cooking, and I am candles are lit. Basically, folks, I'm doing my own foreplay, right? Seriously, I'm doing all my own foreplay before she even shows up because I've set this whole scene and I'm so excited to see her. She shows up at six o'clock, like she says, dinner's ready, and I greet her at the door and I go, Are you hungry? And she goes, Oh, I'm hungry.

SPEAKER_02 52:04

For something else.

SPEAKER_04 52:06

So I had two choices at that point in time. I could say, Well, you know, dinner's ready, let's eat, and then we can play. Or I knew better in my case. I went, okay, leftovers are gonna be just fine. You know, reheating this food will be just fine. And we went and played, and then we came out and ate. So here's what would have happened if I said, no, the food's ready, let's let's sit down and eat. Because all the candles were lit and stuff. Yeah, she'd look around and go, Oh my god, this is so wonderful. You know, this is my favorite. This, like you're making my favorite meal, and the fireplace, there's you know, there's fire in the fire, it's just so romantic. And and so consciously she's going, that's so sweet. You know, I'm gonna go with you's plan. And at other than conscious level, her body's going, he missed my cue. All right, so I can get away with that once, maybe twice. But if constantly I miss that cue, which is like, I want you now, I'm hot. And when you're hot, you're hot, you know. Um, and you miss that a couple times, at an other than conscious level, what happens is your partner stops responding. And the most common things that I was hearing when I interviewed people, and I still do today when there's problems, is is the mental emotional person will say they're, you know, they're just they just lay there. I don't know what to do to get them excited. And what's happened is that they have, other than consciously, conditioned that person to shut down before they got going. Because what do we do? I mean, if you ask for something and someone says no, and you ask again and they say no, well, you're not gonna ask a third time because we don't like to get good no's, you know. Right, make a request and get turned down, that's not our favorite thing, yeah, right? For any of us ever. And so how but we have to at the same time realize that they want us, they're ready.

SPEAKER_01 54:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 54:18

So both parties need to understand this difference.

SPEAKER_01 54:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 54:23

And if they're ready, then there are things that we can do to what we call um, I you might know Reed Mahalco. Oh, yeah. So he coined a term called finding the note.

SPEAKER_01 54:34

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 54:35

And I, by the way, I spent probably 16 years trying to find this solution. And he had it. He's the first person I know that really teaches people how to harmonize, how to find a frequency and hold it.

SPEAKER_01 54:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 54:49

That's the key to opening up the physical person. That's tantric work. Yeah. Right? And it's a little more complicated. And it takes some time and it takes some presence.

SPEAKER_01 55:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:03

But there's other things you can do that are very simple and very quick, also a little bit tantric. One is eye gazing, just meeting someone there, a critical one. Breath, breathing, synchronized breathing, you know, just to be able to hold the person, breathe together. And that starts to move the energy together, right? And when that happens, now you're getting closer to meeting that note.

SPEAKER_01 55:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 55:34

And then there's a very kind of cool thing, and this I didn't realize at the beginning. In fact, my original partner didn't even know this, but after interviewing thousands, literally hundreds of thousands now over the years, um, what I found is that the physical sexual response type person, where the prelude to sex was important for mental emotional, the aftermath was important for the physical. So, you know, what is I'm mental emotional. So I have this incredible experience with my lover. And when it's over, it's like, okay, I get up, I go to the bathroom, maybe I'll check my phone, I'll go downstairs, you know, check for food, whatever, and all that kind of stuff. Well, if I have a physical partner in the bed, that person's gonna be going, Where'd you go? Where are you? Get your ass back here. I'm not done. They're not, even though it might have been massively orgasmic and all kinds of you know, yeah, sexual releases, they have a cool town period that the mental emotional person doesn't have. We are the prelude, they're the aftermath. Interesting. And so what I say to the mental emotional partners and have a physical partner, I'll say, you can get out of bed, but then get your ass back in bed as fast as you can and stay there and cuddle. Just hold them until they say, I'm good. And and you'd think that that was just a little thing, but it's not a little thing. Not even. It's a major thing. Yeah, because their whole body goes, I've been understood, they feel me, they understand me. And it's kind of like they brought me home within my sexual being. And it's it's the appreciation, it's not for some, it's really outward, but inside, there's a knowing that you've got a partner that really meets you. And men, it that's our goal. We need to meet our partners, we need to meet our partners as much as we need to be met. And we need to understand ourselves well enough to ask as well. So uh a mental emotional guy who has a female partner that just wants to jump his bones all the time, it's not gonna work. After a while, you go, yeah, you know, I got a heart on. I I even had an orgasm, maybe I had multiple orgasms. But something's missing, right? And it starts out as just a little something. Oh, and if and if she's like a great lover and all this kind of stuff, then it stays a little something for a while. But that little something, something, if it's not there over time, you go, huh. I wonder, is this really my partner? Yeah. Right? And there's lots of reasons why someone becomes really your partner beyond just sexuality. But if sexuality is not matching and you sexual intimacy is important to you, then you need to know this. You just it's not a it's non-negotiable.

SPEAKER_00 58:51

Yeah, yeah, it's not optional. Yeah. Yeah. So some of the things that you're pointing to to sort of like hit home with is if you're an emotional, mental, maybe, and you're with a physical, uh, maybe there's some times where you pre flirt with yourself, you know, start fluffing yourself up, start getting yourself excited before your partner arrives. So this way, when your partner who is ready to go, you'll be ready as well, instead of them needing to wait for you, right? And then at the end, and when you're with a physical, just remember, just hang out in the bed for a little bit longer, you know, cuddling each other.

SPEAKER_04 59:35

Right?

SPEAKER_00 59:36

Exactly. So well, some of us don't, right? Some of us just are like, okay, I'm done, I came, I want to go, right? So yeah.

SPEAKER_04 59:41

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, there's so many little intricacies around sexuality. We could be, we could be talking about that for hours and hours and hours and hours. Absolutely. Um, yeah. And just, yeah, it's just awareness. And now get curious. Yes. Guys, ask questions. If you think you're supposed to know everything about your woman and that's going to make you a great lover, you are misguided. Right? You're really misguided. Women love to tell you. They don't know. They they want you to know, but if you ask, you know, do you like this? Do you like that? How's this pressure here? Yes. You know, it's not, do you want a massage? It's like, where would you like to be touched and how do you like to be touched? You know, it's not, do you like to kiss? It's how do you kiss? You know, it and it's asking those questions. You know, you're going to be able to tell by their response, for sure, for a number of things, but there's a lot of things that you might not know. You know, you meet someone that has orgasms because you massage their ankle. This is like this is real. I actually had that experience. I was blown away. I went, this is wow, this is great. But how would you know?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:05

You know?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:06

So the the miracle of you know, curiosity and asking questions and exploring and experiencing life, right? Allowing ourselves to allowing myself to be open to see what's in front of me and what's what's possible between me and another person in that moment. Yeah, for sure. Wow, this has been very illuminating. Uh, I hope it has been for you out there as well. How about let's let's start diving into the exercise or the experience that you're gonna offer us. Give us a sort of like understanding or an explanation of what it is, and then we can go into it. So tell us what it's about.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:43

Okay. One of the exercises that has been probably the one of the most powerful ones at resolving conflicts.

unknown 1:01:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:54

Um, and conflicts that are highly energized, right? Like whether someone's really angry or they're they're sad, or and just the emotions are so strong that it's almost impossible to get, it seems like it's impossible to get to the real subject. And and a lot of that impossibility may be our own. Like, you know, wow, I can't believe I just said that to that person. I must be really pissed off.

unknown 1:02:22

Right?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:23

So, how do we handle that? If you know that you're activated, or you have a partner that's activated, the quickest way to get to a place where clarity is gonna help you get a solution is to ask a really simple question. And the question is, what do I have to believe to hold on to this emotion right now? So, men, I mean here's the the suggestion I'm gonna make to you. I want you to pick, just in your mind, think about the last time you're really pissed off about something. Whether it's uh with another guy, it's a business, whatever the environment, but you were super aggravated and maybe not too conscious about your behavior, right? So pick something, take a few moments, go ahead, you think of something as well. All right, when you got it, what I want you to do is ask yourself, what did I have to believe to hold on to that emotion? What did I have to believe? So I have one I'll share with you that just recently happened to me. I was really frustrated about something that was happening in the household that I'm in. And um frustration was the emotion, really. Like I was feeling discouraged and I was frustrated. And I knew that if I just let that out, I was gonna say something that didn't go over very well. And so I asked myself, what do I have to believe? What do I have to believe to hold on to this? And the question I, the answer I got, well, is I have to believe that this other person just doesn't give a shit, doesn't care about me or the environment, and is just selfish and doing whatever they're doing, right? Yeah. And so I asked that question, I go, well, first of all, is that my belief, or is that a belief that I've picked up from someplace else? Like, could it be that I've thought about this person for a long time and I've watched their behavior and I think that they're just not very sensitive, right? Because of how I've heard them talk. And someone said, hey, when people act like that, they're not. You can't rely on them. So I'll go, well, is that my belief? Actually, it's not. I got that from you know a teacher someplace that said you can't rely on those people. And I went, all right, well, if it's not my belief, can I let it go? And that's the first step, right? Is like, if it's not your belief, give yourself permission to let it go. Like we're gonna have things that happen to us that we're triggered with from that when we ask, is that my belief? And you go, no, where did I get that? Oh crap, that was my dad. My dad taught me that. I've had stuff show up. My dad's passed away years, decades ago. And I've had stuff show up, and I'm going, Oh, I've still got that. What is that? And my dad gave it to me. It was this is the way these things happen. This is the way you should relate to them. And I'm going, that's not even my belief. So, how do I give it back to them? Doesn't matter if they're dead or alive, by the way. Just acknowledge whoever. Ever or whatever gave you that belief? You can even say their intention, good, bad, it doesn't matter. Just acknowledge it and say it's yours, it's not mine.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:12

Can you share how they would let it go?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:16

Well, as soon as it's not yours, as soon as you know it's not yours, what do you do with things that aren't yours? You either decide you want to possess them and hold on to them, or you let them go.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:28

Right.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:28

So if you can't let it go, if you know it's not, and that's not my belief, but I'm I'm believing it, then you've got to go deeper. So what's holding on to that? What do you have to believe to possess this?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:43

Right. And anything we possess is problematic.

unknown 1:06:46

Right?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:47

Possession is going to be the route to most evils.

unknown 1:06:51

Right?

SPEAKER_04 1:06:52

It's different than holding on to something. I see.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:56

Okay. Which I think is we can do in a healthy way.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:59

I mean, you could say, this is my studio, and I want it exactly this way, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:07:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:06

And that could be very, very possessive. Or you can go, yeah, it's my equipment. I like this stuff. I'm trying it right now. I've got to hold on it. And but I'm open to change. I can change the lights. I can change the sound system. You know, it's a little different.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:19

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:20

But it's, it's, you don't hold it so tight that no one, you know, don't touch my mic. It was like that changes the energy around everything. So notice if you're holding on to it that tightly, then you go, what do I have to believe for that? To hold on to that. Yeah. To hold on to that. Why am I possessing this belief or this person? And sometimes it's a person that where that possession is. And ask, keep asking questions. This is where curiosity comes back in. Okay. So when you're asking yourself a question, what do I have to believe? You're not looking for an answer. You're not looking for a specific answer. You're looking for an answer to appear, right? Um, if you're looking for something specific, you're gonna find what you're looking for, but it won't be the answer. That's the challenge with that. That's why we when we go looking for things to prove things, right? We can usually prove it, but it's a really temporary proof. Yes, right? Yeah. Very quickly we'll find out. Oops. That's not what I'm not quite what I had in mind. Okay, so the first part that is like the starting point. And if it's hard to get to it, breathe. Just take a couple breaths. Close your eyes. If you're angry, upset, there's a lot of value in just keeping your mouth shut and your ears and eyes and heart open. Right.

unknown 1:08:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:58

And take a breath. Yeah, there's there's breathing techniques. I don't know if you teach them on this show, I'm sure you do, but there's one that's brilliant that will take you out of almost any kind of anger situation. And it's and it's a it's uh it's oftentimes called a box breath or square breath.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:09:18

And essentially you breathe in, and what I do is I use my fingers, right? So if I'm like really angry and upset about something and I just can't get past it, fighting it, yeah. Okay, okay, do this breath, and I'll breathe in, count of eight. Do this with me. Just take a deep breath and you count on your fingers. Hold it, just keep it in. Now hold it, hold the breath for another count of eight. Now exhale fully. Let it all out. Another count of eight. And at the bottom, hold it again. Now take another deep breath. Hold it. Exhale fully. Hold it. And then do it again. If if you I guarantee you, you take ten rounds of that, whatever was really bugging you is not gonna, it's not gonna have the bite it had. Yeah. Right? And then you can ask the qu then you now you can get into curiosity, ask the question.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:35

Okay. So that's smart. So if you are in a heightened state, recommendation is to do the box breathing. So inhaling for eight, holding for eight, exhaling for eight, holding for eight. Now the eight might be a lot long, it might be long for your lungs, so just dependent on your lungs.

SPEAKER_04 1:10:52

Yeah, start with four.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:54

Four, four, four. Four, four, four. Yeah. And then once you've sort of can notice in your body you're a little less activated in whatever energy, whether it's anger or frustration, then you can ask the question. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Great.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:08

So now once you have the question, right? Yeah. Remember, you can give it back and go, okay, I don't want that belief anyhow.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:14

Or you get clarity about what that belief is, and you might go, you know, I really like I feel strongly about this. It was taught to me when I was a kid. I feel strongly about it. And but it's affecting some of my decisions. And now you can ask yourself, what could you change? How could you do this differently so that it doesn't have the impact on others or yourself that's adverse? Right? Like, what makes this what makes this difficult? How can I turn it around?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:11:45

Because for every adversity, there's an equal or better opportunity. Absolutely. Always. Always agreed. Just agreed. Always. You know what? Sometimes it feels so shitty out there that you can't go, nope. Nope. Nope. You can say that. Yeah, fine. Give me your happy face type thing. Right. Sorry, there is always, it always proves itself to be true.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:12:09

Once you get through it, you go, Wow, I wish I could have got there faster. Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:14

Yeah. Do you is there a recommendation in terms of doing this verbally in your head, writing it, like, or does it matter?

SPEAKER_04 1:12:23

It's it's up to the person. Yeah. I mean, uh there's people that write down the journal everything. Yeah. And it's powerful for them. Yeah. Right. Um, and there's others that do it in their head. I like to, I kind of do it in a meditate type environment. I have a jacuzzi at home, it's my meditation place. Yeah. Right. And I'll get in 105 degree water. And then and then I'll and then I'll ask if I've got questions to get answered. Yeah. They always get answered in there. They do. Amazing. And it's, you know, and I'm going in there with the intention. Right. Right. To do it. So, you know, you know, you can always ask yourself, what's my intentions? It's going to be, you know, that's a major part of how anything manifests.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:09

Right. The intention being, can you actually explain a little bit what by what you mean by intention?

unknown 1:13:15

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:16

So I want to find a solution for a difficult situation. And there's a part of me that will go, well, because I deserve it. This shouldn't be so difficult. So, you know, someone should do it for me. Or I can take personal responsibility and go, what's my part in it? And I really want to understand that so that the solution I find is one that has longevity. So my intention is personal responsible, be personally responsible, and I want longevity from it. Okay. Versus I just want this to stop. And there's a you get different results.

SPEAKER_01 1:14:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:14

And you get long-lasting results like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:18

Excuse me. So an intention is you're not looking for an outcome. An intention is more of you setting sort of like a statement of openness, curiosity of what the answer might provide for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:14:40

Yeah. That's a that's a huge distinction. Very yeah. I mean, it that's the difference between finding a solution that lasts for a short period of time, right? Or one that is one that doesn't require the same solution to be played out over and over again.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:56

Correct. It's very embodied, it's very tuned in. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:15:00

Yeah. The my book, Lasting, is the it's a really unique book. It's actually, it's kind of a movement in a way. But it's designed, the whole book is designed to instead of having to repair things, to be prepared. Interesting. Okay. So like relationships, most people will just dive into relationships. And there's a belief system out there. There's lots of people that teach us to say, well, there's five different steps to relationships. And the first one is the chemistry phase, you know, where you're just all in for whatever reason. And genetic energetics actually talks about chemistry. It's the only system that's been scientifically proven to be able to show you you're going to have chemistry with. So it's a big subject of ours. And at the same time, I don't believe that chemistry is what just happens at the beginning of a relationship. It does, but it can last forever. Truly can last forever. And so that first phase, not quite accurate. Then the second phase is usually like the oh shit phase. Like the chemistries happen and everything seems to be going good, but now it's not, now now stuff is showing up. I'm starting to see things, we're starting to have some battles, and there's this belief you got to work through those battles, and that's your real learning experience, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:16:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:24

Like if you don't have conflicts, you're not going to really grow. That's what a lot of people believe. Um I think conflicts do bring us growth, and I don't think relationships require them.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:36

Amazing. Okay, great.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:38

So these different phases, you know, honeymoon, conflict phase, now we're getting used to each other phase. Eventually you get to the purpose and vision phase. That's all nonsense. It's a description of what people have been doing for the last maybe 100 years, but it's not genetically how we're designed. We're designed to be able to discover with inquiry, without labels, with good communication skills, um, without seeing diversity as a problem, but embracing it. There's what we call illuminations in the book. So lasting has 11 illuminations that are the groundwork for being able to ask the questions we need to ask to find out if the partner that we're committed to is our best match. That's what the book's about.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:36

Amazing. And it's available on it's right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:41

Um, if you go to the lastingbook.com, you can get an advanced reader copy. And you can get you can actually purchase a book in advance, but get an advanced reader copy that you can get now. And there's some other really fun little options that are there too. Some other trainings and teachings and beautiful, yeah, some private things that are going on in that. But that's so the lasting book.com. And I'm trying to think what actually took me down the road to bring that up at the time. It was just the idea that if we prepare ourselves, and that's emotionally, and in terms of how we approach life in general, right? That we're not coming at it because we're suffering. You know, a suffering state's not going to get you anywhere. Yeah. But we're coming at it because there's possibility, because there's intention, because there's a desire to really discover. And curiosity is all about discovery, right? It's the yummiest, juiciest part of life is that what we can discover whether you're traveling or it's a person. For me, uh I mean, I I love to explore, but exploring with people is the most glorious, right? And so that just I can't do that well if I'm judging and concluding. Put that behind us and now step into what it's like when you meet someone new, whether it's a romantic partnership or it's a business partnership. Or even your children. Take a moment to really go into discovery about your kids instead of thinking, I need this to behave this way and that way, and go to school and get this information so that they can be out on their own and I don't have to take care of them until they're 60. You know, it's like, wow. Poor kid's only three and a half, and going, Dad, really? Just what we notice about everything is so amplified and beautiful when we come from a place that is not suffering and is deep in inquiry. And anything that comes up around that might be a trauma that you're experiencing that's tri or some trigger from your past. We all have them. I've had things that happen when we were young and we don't remember, and they come up, but we can identify them. We know that that's what it is. You know, it might take a while to resolve it or to really figure out where it is in our body and be able to take care of it that way. There's ways to do that. But not if we don't know we need it, that it's there, that that's what's causing it.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:20:39

Right? Yeah. And so many of the relationship issues that we see with people are there we're responding. We're responding to something that's in our body that's being somatically held. It's not conscious, it's other than conscious. And if it causes a conflict, we just need to be able to ask, what is this? And get help if we need it.

unknown 1:21:04

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:05

When you use the word responding, I'm used to the word reacting and responding for it to be a more accurate way of well, I'm tuned in, I'm actually responding accurately. Are you using that in a different way? Just out of curiosity. Not really. Not really. Okay.

unknown 1:21:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:21

I think they're kind of they're a bit interchangeable.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:23

They are okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:24

Right. Right. So you have a reaction. I I don't see it as any different a reaction than a response. Okay. Right? Some people will say, well, reaction is negative, a response is something you've had a chance to think about.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:36

That's what I, yeah. That's how I that's how I that's how I've been holding it for myself when I teach people.

SPEAKER_02 1:21:41

I'm like, okay, so there you can react to something or you can be responsible, respond to something, but you're holding it in the same way.

SPEAKER_04 1:21:48

And and you know, if you look ontologically at it, probably response is is responsibility. Yes. And I think being responsible is a huge part of as humans, we need to be um embrace personal responsibility. Yes. Which is not happening a lot these days. And when it happens, it's glorious. It's really great. It's amazing. But we're, you know, uh, my my friend Amy Joy, she wrote a book called Love is our uh Get Your Shit Together. Nice, right? Great book. And she she'll say humans are glorious and messy. Yes, right? Oh, absolutely. And so you know, when stuff comes up, we've got to be careful not to just like throw the hammer down on ourselves. We make mistakes. It's okay. Yeah, it's okay. You realize you make a mistake, you figure out what it is, you find whatever you need to believe to get to the truth of that moment, and then go on from there.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:48

Yeah. We're all growth and process, we're all learning along the way. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:22:52

Yeah. That back to that exercise, you know, what do I have to believe? Well, I have to believe this. You can literally, without even identifying the person, if you want, you can just say, is this true? Just ask yourself, is this true? And if you go, well, maybe not, then you go, you just shut it away. Okay, get rid of the truth. This is not true, but what is true is that I care about this person, or I really want something to happen here that's important and valuable and long-lasting, or whatever it might be.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:29

You know, give it the give it a truth that is motivating and inspiring. And it doesn't have to be a truth forever.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:39

There is no such thing. No. Truth changes through time for each of us.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:43

And it changes daily.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:45

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 1:23:47

You know, there's uh in genetic energetics, there's a modifier in the system. There are four lifestyle traits, there's attractions, and there's six modifiers. And one of the modifiers is the perfectionist. I'm a perfectionist. I know this one really well. And for me, if I can't find the truth in something, I won't, I can't do it. I just won't do it. And it used to strangle me a little bit because I needed to find a truth that I thought I could just hold on to for the longest period of time. And that wasn't really what I needed. What I needed was just to know what's true in this moment. Which when I when I like had this, gosh, I really don't need to know the truth tomorrow, but I need to know this now. I felt like I got a get out of jail free card. Right? It was like this is cool. So I might believe something different tomorrow when I get different information or more information, and it's all right. I can change my mind.

unknown 1:24:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:24:47

Just as long as I stay in the corridor of my truth.

unknown 1:24:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:52

So much freedom in what you're sharing. So beautiful, and freedom to just today's the day. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Let life unfold as it may.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:02

Yeah. We can't do anything about, you know, we can't do anything about the past. We can certainly look at the past and use it to help guide us and make some good decisions. Yeah. Sometimes we use it to make bad decisions. But but it's there, it's accessible to us. And but the future is we don't know. We don't know. We only know right now.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:23

That's it. Yeah. We can project on the future, but we don't know right now.

SPEAKER_04 1:25:27

And we have to be careful of our projections.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:29

Absolutely. Of the stories that we create, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:25:31

All the time. One of the one of the things in one of the illuminations in lasting is about labels, which is really interesting because genetic energetics has labels as divide, you know, it's there's structural talking style, figurative, it's got all these different labels. And so, and I'm opposed to labels, which is kind of sounds crazy to have both of those at the same time. But when I train practitioners, on the very first day I said, You're you're gonna get this really profound system to work with, but I don't want you to use it. And they kind of go, What? I said, Well, I don't want you to use it to project how someone's gonna behave. Use this knowledge, use this information to understand what's happening now. Because as soon as we project or as soon as we put a label on something, it's like well, it'll be like this. Let's say I go, yeah, you know what? He's just not a very nice person. Let's say I, you know, that I make this decision, you don't know it. And I'm I'm thinking he's just not a very nice person. He's a decent interviewer, but he's not a nice person. So at that moment, I've like put you in a closet with a little sign on the outside says night, not nice person inside, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:26:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:26:56

And it might not be true at all. And let's just assume, I mean, I it's not true. As far as I know, you're absolute amazing person. But if I stick you in that closet as the not nice person and I lock the door, you're going, what? I don't have any options now, right? It feels terrible. And that's what we do when we label anybody. Yeah, we freeze them in that moment and that aspect, and they don't have a chance to be anything else. So who loses? We both do. Absolutely. Yeah. The person who's been labeled doesn't have a chance to be anything else. You don't see them as anything else, and so pick your favorite politician or most unfavorite politician and say, Do you label them? You bet your life you do, right? And do you think they have a chance to be anything else because of it? Not if according to you. Right. So you may have. Elected someone and thought maybe this isn't the best decision. And if you put them in that label, you don't give them a chance to change. And there have been plenty of politicians that started with one belief that a decade later are totally different.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:17

Totally different. And you know, God bless them because they stayed with it, despite what other people thought.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:25

Right? That they were able to do that. And you know, who who we are genetically at our core, our divine origins. Okay, that's great. We know our blood type. Right? I'm not telling you you can't be that blood type.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:28:41

But there's lots of other things that can change.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:46

This has been very illuminating. Ha ha ha ha. So let us know where they can find you so they can potentially work with you. And I know that you have some sort of test they can take.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:04

So there's with this, will they be able to can I give you a link?

SPEAKER_00 1:29:09

Yeah, yeah. It's going to be all in the description. I just want you to say it as well.

SPEAKER_04 1:29:12

So they know genetic energetics, the easy way into it is an item that's called a personal energetic profile. And it's going to tell you your four lifestyle traits, which is communication, like we talked about, activity level, which is a huge, huge thing, your relationship to money, your sexual response type, which we talked about, attractions. So it's going to tell you who you're going to have chemistry with, and let you know if it's a good idea to follow it or not. Right? Okay. Chemistry in general is a drug. It really dopes us up. And so we don't make the best decisions when we're chemically high. And then it's going to give you six what we call modifiers. Okay. And I just gave you kind of a touch of the perfectionist, but they're deep and they're really, really powerful. And so the personal energetic profile is going to tell you that. And all you need is two pieces of information: your birth date and the birth date of your opposite gender biological parent.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:07

Opposite gender of your biological parent.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:09

So it be your mom, my mom. If it's a woman, it'd be their father.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:13

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:13

Now, some people don't have that date. Correct. You know, they don't, they didn't know their parent.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:19

They're adopted something. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:20

For whatever reason. Yeah. If you don't still run the whole profile without that piece of information, and the only thing you won't get is the piece on what we call attractions or chemistry.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:30

And where can they find us?

SPEAKER_04 1:30:32

They're gonna, it's a link. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:33

What's the what is do you know what the website is?

SPEAKER_04 1:30:35

So it's genetic energetics.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:37

Genetic energetics.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:38

And you just need to have it know when you get there, there's uh a menu tab, and then there's a product in that menu tab is called personal energetic profile.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:47

Great.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:47

But I'll give you a link that takes you directly to it. And when you go to it, you have to sign up and make set an account so we have um security around your information. Right. So you sign up, run a profile, and you can run profiles on multiple people. So, you know, run one. I have we've run over four, we've had over four million profiles right now. And there are some people that'll run hundreds of them.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:14

Yeah. You know, anyway, why not, right? You find someone, you're like, hey, can you tell me your biological everyone that works for me?

SPEAKER_04 1:31:22

Yeah, everyone on my team, even the people I outsource to, I have that information. Yeah. And I mean, I've run your profile.

SPEAKER_02 1:31:29

Oh, have you? Yeah. Oh, okay. I want to know I send them my way.

SPEAKER_04 1:31:34

I was gonna check it out before I came in here, but I we just kind of cut up in this. Um, but you know, most of our community, I know a lot of the people. Yeah, and and again, I'm not using it to to label them, I'm using it to understand what it is that I might be experiencing in any situation so I can show up and be most open and aware and accommodating and honoring of our differences.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:59

Right. I love that. Yeah, that's beautiful. That's great. So you got the energetics, the genetic energetics profile, and then thelastingbook.com. And then they're also gonna come into the Internet Men's community and offer uh some more some more tools, some more techniques, and then also a QA.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:23

Yeah? Yeah, of course. Any final remarks before we close it out? We're talking to men, right? Yes. Okay. Well, I'm I'm assuming who knows. I mean, the goal is for men, but I'm sure men and women are women are gonna listen as well.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:41

It's been a really difficult time for men, I think, in this last century, but especially in the last four or five years.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:32:50

Right? And part of that difficulty came from you know the Me Too movement. And I'm not putting that movement down. I think that there was some really valuable things that it started it started with, and then it became problematic. Um and just the the one of the things that's been really tough for men, I think, over the last 50 years is just the single parenting that's gone on. So men have grown up with just a mother or just a father, and without having both parents, we have things that we end up having to work through. And so there's a lot of a lot for us to do. Right. Yeah. We've been conditioned to believe that there are things that we must be doing to be a good man, or we must be doing to hold our masculine in place, right? Like, don't challenge it, that's me. And and it's like we hold it so tightly that you actually put a label around yourself, right? And so, you know, my invitation is breathe, get curious, you know, and get really, really curious and notice how people show up. Notice what you learn, and and do it for yourself as well. Like there's nothing more powerful in terms of figuring out what it is that drives us than to ask, why am I doing this? You get your first answer and you go, and why is that? You get your second answer and you go, and why is that? By the time you get to seven levels deep, you're at the core, and there's a good chance you'll be in tears. That's okay, guys. But you're gonna get to really why, what's driving you, what's really most important to us. And when we have that, the the the energy and the vibration around it is magnificent. It's miraculous. Thank you. So beautiful. Yeah. Go there.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:07

Well, thanks for joining us, Larry. Thank you out there. Once again, as always, let me know what else you guys want. Is there any practitioners, any sort of tools and techniques that you want to listen to? I'd love to offer it. See you next time.